a little deflated. but not defeated.

It has been one of those days- those awful days where you feel defeated. I got on the scale today to see that I added a pound since last week (my numbers are below and the BMI chart is here if you want to see it) and could just feel the feeling of defeat creep in around me. A thought ran through my head 'you could just lie on the blog and say you stayed the same' and I entertained it for a second or two, but I knew I couldn't do that.

What would be the point of lying? Lying never changes the truth. Ever. So I'm going to actually change it- instead of pretend it is different and lie. I'm just a little scared though- no 'diet' or 'good intentions' have ever gotten me where I want to be. I feel like writing down my fears may help... so I'm going to be open and honest with you.

Last night I was finishing up reading the 'Eat to Live' diet book (that I mentioned in my previous post) and I was reading the meal plans thinking- this all sounds like good food and a pretty applicable diet to my tastes and lifestyle. Then I just remembered all the other diet I've tried and all the times I have tried to get healthy... and how I failed each one. I just really felt discouraged and deflated. Then the scale this morning told me that I have gained a pound since last week. I wanted to cry.

Motivation is fleeting and hard to hold onto. I have to fight to keep myself on my plan. I fight for a healthier view of myself. No more pinching at the skin around my belly. No more willing my thighs to be thinner every time I look at them. No more stuffing myself full of junk food and wondering why my body won't change. No more.The 'Eat to Live' Plan:It is truly a very simple plan. Especially for my current diet, I'll just have to make a few changes.First Six Weeks:Unlimited Amounts (I can eat as much of this stuff as I want)-raw vegetables; cooked nutrient-rich vegetables; beans, legumes, bean sprouts, and tofu; and fresh fruitsLimited Amounts (keep to one serving a day only)-starchy veggies & whole grains; raw nuts & seeds; avocado; dried fruit; and ground flaxseedSuper, Super Limited Amounts (if I cut them out completely thats great)-dairy products, animal products, between-meal snacks, fruit juice, and oil

This is just like a 'template' meal plan. It is not actually what I have to eat specifically everyday... It would be crazy. This is just the simplicity of it... so I can plan my own meals or use the author's more specific meal plans. :)